My mother created the most delightful Christmases. All her holiday celebrations were inspired, but Christmas was her best production. A good smelling tree twinkling with lights and shiny ornaments, piled high with presents for a family of eight. Delicious and festive foods. Advent calendars and candles. Truly thoughtful gifts – games, books, and so much more. She made clothes and fitted them to us with our eyes closed – crushed velvet. . .
I never matched her style and now things are more subdued. No room for a tree, got a table decoration. Can’t find any Christmas smelling greenery this year – usually I get a wreath so I can get those needles all over the floor and scent up the vacuum cleaner, but this year the greens had very little odor. Next year I should just get a tree . . . but there is still so much to celebrate. Rocky got here Sunday and Libby and her family are arriving later today.
On Tuesday, Ronn & RD are coming for a visit. After they depart, we are going to a mall to get Christmas pictures with River and the Mall Santa. Maybe River will cry like a baby? We can only hope . . .
I will be going out to the Baltimore Museum of Art with Libby on Wednesday.
Saturday, as I was figuring out all these plans in my OneNote organizing tool that I share with Mike, I was overwhelmed with emotion in realizing how wonderful my life has been and still is.
I can feel the reaper . . . my parts are all in a slow but inexorable decline . . . but I can still walk, talk, and think. Ditto for Mike. Javy is also doing GREAT! What a pip that little fellow is. Full of love and pranks.
My analogy for my life is the Nutcracker Ballet. Weaving in and out, and becoming more prominent toward the end, is a melancholy theme signaling the end of the enchanted time.
I always cry at the end of the Nutcracker, as I hear that thread of the music heralding the end, and that is exactly how I feel about my life – It is a beautiful magical story filled with the most amazing experiences.
And it is going to end. I can feel the music of the end, feel the universe, the stars, pulling me back to the origin.
So Merry Christmas while you can! Life is for the living. __________________ * When I got the Ph.D., the person who put me through college, Mike Jensen, asked me to ALWAYS use that Ph.D. in my name, on EVERYTHING I sign. He worked hard to support me through that patriarchal capitalistic misogynistic ordeal. His support meant everything, in terms of my being able to complete the process and take that terminal degree. In case you wondered how that relates to my Christmas story, well it relates to my Nutcracker life story, with all its magic, including creepy scary Rat Kings. Perhaps Mike threw the slipper? -- Dr. P-J